There is a Girl

There is a girl
she is beautiful
and in love with a man
I once loved more than life itself.
She has felt pain
which I have caused
both unknowingly
and irresponsibly
but never heartlessly–
and I have felt pain
which she has caused
though I will never give her enough of my strength
to think that this
beautiful
kind
emotional girl
who I have never met
could cause me anything but amazedment
with her words
as she has tonight
as I sit alone in my apartment
wishing my body was more like hers
reading her words
about pictures I have seen
He writes
that silly boy she loves
that silly boy I loved
once upon a time
about her beauty–
she is the most beautiful woman
he has ever seen
and I know
that includes me–
that compares me
indirectly
and I fight my urges
to loathe my body
and find faults in hers
not just because I know she is beautiful
but because I know
she has felt
as I do now
and without knowing
where my weary mind has taken me
she leaves a note
of encouragement
to the woman I gaze at in the mirror
with disapproving eyes
comparing her unjustly
to that beautiful girl.