2004.

searching for some unknown aspect of self reflected in the other

answers to our questions of identity

individually alone, but together lonely

——————————————————-

Someday she’ll find you, like I found you
but you’ll be ready
and you will, at last,
have everything you ever dreamt of
all in your life without me…

———————————————–

November 4th, 12:05am

praying for time to pass

February, nine months earlier

fighting, you’re not in love with me,
make love to me…

Done. chapter closed, moving on–

replacing you with drinking
partying
flirting
…sex

someone new, who cares?

it’s just one night
I can’t stop searching

you’re not here
you’re with her

I’m with child

your child

needles drawing blood

naming consequences instead of children

gas masks stopping time

erasing mistakes with memories

staring at islands on the ceiling

wishing what ifs

as his soul escapes through my tears…

resentment by both
holding firm with no regrets
his soul will return to us
our baby
…no baby

motherhood may never happen
us will never happen
the life is gone
the love is gone

sucked through those very tubes
I am alone
I never thought it would happen to me–
just a statistic
…nothing more