She Almost Died Once

She almost died once.

Joked on the plane
            to the nervous man next to her…

“Don’t worry, I’ve already had my near death experience.”

I watched her laying there

        determined to wiggle her toes

   helped her shower

                           laughed with her

                                        “nothing over five pounds!”

             then flew halfway across the world

                                                      fleeing from my own insecurities

                            and left her…

                                                     alone.

It doesn’t even enter my mind

                              to ask her about it

             to push and pry

                         and care more than I have to…

        she does

                  every chance she gets

                                                     and I push away

                                       when I don’t want to face reality

                                                                       ask for help

                                                                                 admit I am not ok

         when I am wallowing in self doubt

                          over my tragedies

                                                                  my insignificant tragedies

but she almost died once

and I can’t even think to ask…