You can have all the time you need…

Your hurtful actions
may not solidify my waiting around
for you to stop seeing me 
through insecure eyes.
Project what you need on me
I won’t judge you for living. 
For ten years I have loved you. 
Made you my person above all other persons…
You made your point loud and clear.
Have tucked our friendship
into that ever familiar state of need to know.
There [...]

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It seems so petty…

this fight
this loss
this game refusing to be played
that leaves holes in our hearts
if not holes in our lives
there are others
filling gaps
spilling drinks
naming names
but today I am sad
to have lost you
though life has changed
those frizzy haired girls
camp counselors
with big smiles
to the women we no longer know
it maybe for the best
that our paths no longer cross
life is not incomplete
lonely
or lacking
but [...]

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You can keep reading…

It doesn’t bother me…
                                          anymore.
though you used to be my only audience,
others have found comfort in my words
I reread them
reidentify feelings
I hate… 
                                death,
                          loss,
                                       bitterness,
         humiliation,
                                   suicide…
you can keep reading…
I know when you have been here
the words change
         when I am forced to imagine them 
                               through your eyes.

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I am Ready.

I think it’s time for the tears to come.
I eat
          sleep
                       laugh
                                      all feeling from my life
           sitting idle in a world incomplete
                                               refusing to let lonliness in
                   for fear it will lead to wants
                                                     my insecurities
                                                                        won’t let me meet
        I am too young
                         to throw in the towel
                  but I hate [...]

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Here and There… (edited)

I count seven heads
eyes closed
mouths gaping
one drowning in Parkinson’s
cruelty
saliva spewing over lower lip
the doctors say little
one only with his stare
tremors control his body
his eyes sing in sadness
—————————————————–
if a lesser heart beat beneath my chest
the observations my eyes declare
would surely take my sanity
——————————————
Doom
if there are no do-overs in life
               no immunity codes 
      to help me pass through [...]

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Rage.

I left him.
                                          but not before he could leave me–
                three years ago
                                      and still
                           not one week ago today
                                             she was back in my life…
I can’t remember a time
                               so much anger filled my body
                 fingertip corks
                                                 removed
       leaving rage to flow
                       like wine
                               red red wine
nausea tears through me
                                                                      imagined in my mind
                                thoughts only people [...]

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She Almost Died Once

She almost died once.

Joked on the plane
            to the nervous man next to her…
“Don’t worry, I’ve already had my near death experience.”

I watched her laying there
        determined to wiggle her toes
   helped her shower
                           laughed with her
                                        “nothing over five pounds!”
             then flew halfway across the world
                                                      fleeing from my own insecurities
                            and left her…
                                                     alone.

It [...]

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Alone

So damned
determined
going through life alone in her eyes
with other’s love
drowning in her wake
blindly bruising hearts
passing through strangers
and over looking loved ones
keeping them in the dark
causing pain in her omissions
they try so hard to crack her shell
to inch their way in
seeping through broken skin
permeating her icy interior
behind glass eyes
and her distracting smile…

Your words broke me today
thank [...]

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Untitled

there is no hatred here
only hurt
my misconception of what was taking place
again in the dark
alone in my beliefs
wondering
but mostly knowing
that although I have been cut off
again
you still search me out…
it is unfair
yet just in your eyes
a blessing in disguise
that makes me so incredibly angry
don’t leave me a last note…
it takes away
from the sudden shut out
you [...]

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The End.

Trying so hard
to understand

but all I can think to say…

Fuck You.

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