Judgment Day.

I fight nausea
like her bones fight
to stay within their skeletal cage
nothing but skin is left to hold them back
it is so wrong to want like this…
I hate you jealousy.

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…

I laid him to rest today.
Not knowing where to go from here…
Is it still ok to grieve?

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Letter to my Unborn Child.

I saw you today…
blond curls bouncing as you played in the field
felt your weight displace in my arms
as I held you for the first time.
as I held you for the only time
Your eyes were his…
mirroring my reflection in them
I am so thankful
to have met you
my beautiful boy

I would have dressed you in pastels all the [...]

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The Words I Needed…

Reality morphed as if transcending time
I sat before him
unable to look to his eyes
purging injure
releasing rage into tears
letting strangers take what he could never
spitting blame at the mask he wears
wishing for retribution
retaliation
gratification
Say it…
say what he never would…

“I hate you!”

Thank you.

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Faith

the blind man begged for healing
prayed for light to his darkness
believing stories told of His greatness
I sat in distrust
to what I was being taught
my ears fighting doubt
as it escapes from my own eyes
I had come to heal
though not ready to relinquish strength
to Him
which I don’t yet believe
skepticism and common sense
fight the naiveté of having faith
just [...]

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What My Fingers Say…

I can’t believe I am back to this point. Three years have passed and I still feel that so much healing has yet to take place. I tell myself I don’t hate you, but I say that just to deny myself the hatred I want to use to replace the emptiness. I wonder if you [...]

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Retrospection

remnants–
tainted by hindsight
infected with rationalization
rotting in my memory
broken pieces of the puzzle
taped together
in no particular order
no more accurate
than eye witness testimony
anything that mattered
was thrown out
with the blood stained bathwater…

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2004.

searching for some unknown aspect of self reflected in the other
answers to our questions of identity
individually alone, but together lonely

——————————————————-

Someday she’ll find you, like I found you
but you’ll be ready
and you will, at last,
have everything you ever dreamt of
all in your life without me…
———————————————–

November 4th, 12:05am
praying for time to pass
February, nine months earlier
fighting, you’re not [...]

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Remnants of a Dream.

it would hit just below my knees
have walked right out of 1952
off white
with a shimmer of pastel–
calm filled with light
accented with quirky blue heels
my great grandmother’s pearls
and the earrings my mom was married in
a summer tea party
complete with parasols
crazy cupcakes
paper lanterns and finger sandwiches
not a rose in sight
Ray on the piano
as my sister sang along
and [...]

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I Want…

   I want to sit in silence
               let the world around me move at its own pace
        rendering me purposeless

                            I want to close my eyes
                     leave memories in the past
                                         rest my weary soul

                                 I want to not be asked how I am
                                                       people don’t listern well enough
                                              to hear anything but lies

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